you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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