just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
