We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
