$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
