He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
