So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
