the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
