I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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