Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
