Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You pole danced in your parka.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All the doctor said was why
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
