White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
