insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
