I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
