i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
