Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
