We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
