I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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