so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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