my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
