it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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