That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
