At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
