Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
