i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
