She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
