i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
