so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
