Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
