He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
