I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
