Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
