his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
