I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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