my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have tasted many bathrooms
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
