I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
