somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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