If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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