So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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