I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
