She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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