look no pants
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
