I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
