wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
