dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
