I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He is an equal opportunity slut.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
