I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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