Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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