If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
