if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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