new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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