i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
