I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
