i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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