my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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